Dialysis and Relationship Dynamics
When partners go from lovers to caregivers, it can impact sexual dynamics. Notice if you and your partners are engaging in any of the common patterns listed below:
Partner as the parent - Sometimes partners of people on dialysis show their support by jumping in and becoming very directive about diet, fluid management, and other health-related concerns. This can create a dynamic in which they are “parenting” the person on dialysis, which can impact erotic connection.
Partner as the provider - Many people on dialysis stop working or have difficulty helping with tasks at home after starting dialysis, which can lead to feeling like a burden on their families and partners. This can create feelings of shame from the person on dialysis, and can result in withdrawing which can impact the erotic connection.
Person vs. “patient” - Sometimes partners have a hard time seeing the person on dialysis as a PERSON, and get stuck focusing on the medical problems. This can show up as fear of hurting the person on dialysis, or worry that engaging sexually with the person on dialysis is inappropriate when there are so many “serious” issues in that person’s life. Similarly, people on dialysis can feel low self-esteem because of their need for dialysis, and can have a hard time believing that their partners might find them attractive or desirable.
These are just a few relationship dynamics that are common, but there are many more ways that relationships may change when dialysis is added to the picture. While it is common to feel stuck in relationship dynamics like these, relational patterns can be changed. Check out these resources, or consider talking with a couples therapist or relationship coach who can help guide you and your partners explore changing your current dynamics and patterns. The American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists has a list of certified counselors and therapists and Somatica has certified sex and relationship coaches.